Wake Up!

So my Uncle asked me “If Kayla was in a car accident and needed a blood transfusion, are you willing to let her die?” I was supposed to say “I have faith we will see her again in the new world” or something to that effect. But for the first time in my life, I truly couldn’t answer. My love for my daughter was too strong for me to even pretend to say the words. I was programmed to say them. I was programmed to think them. But now, as a father, my love made me speak up. I said “No.”

This was the beginning of a journey. My life as an ex-Jehovah’s Witness was about to begin, and I didn’t even notice. That question from my Uncle was only one of the many questions he’d asked me since I was a boy. My mother became a JW when I was only 3 or 4, but I remember her before then. She was fun. My Uncle, her brother, was a Muslim since as far back as I can remember, so as I grew up he would tell me that I was in a cult, that the Witnesses were crazy, etc. I was almost immune to his words, though, because I was indeed a true believer – or so I thought.

My father died when I was 5, and my mother told me the only way I’d ever see him again was if I listened to her and did everything the witnesses told me. So I did my best and over 20 years later I found myself struggling to answer this simple question: Was I willing to let my daughter die? Was I willing to let my daughter DIE? No, I was not willing to let my daughter die. Not without a fight. They could take the blood directly from my veins, they could cut my heart out of my chest and give it to her while it was still beating if it were up to me. So when I said no my uncle looked at me and said, “Finally! I think you can hear me now. Karama, wake up! You are in a cult!” I was confused for a moment, like I was waking up from a dream. I knew where we were, I knew who we were, I just didn’t understand WHEN it was. It felt like I woke up into a conversation that was already in progress… As he was speaking to me, I could understand everything he was saying, but something was different.

For the first time ever, I was hearing someone without the "witness filters". As a JW, you are constantly receiving instruction on how to think. They will explain that you should have a Bible-trained conscience, and you are taught so many different Bible stories that are supposed to serve as examples for you to live your life. Soon, everything you say and do reflects the witness lifestyle. When someone says Bless You after you sneeze, you no longer hear this as someone wishing you well or being polite, you see this as an "unscriptural practice". When someone invites you to a birthday party or anything to do with a holiday, you don’t take it as someone being nice to you, it’s an invitation to sin. Almost as if every interaction you have with a non-JW is a test of your faith and loyalty. To make it worse, this is often validated when you are around other witnesses and you share an experience of something that happened to you and they will all parrot back something from the Bible or something from the JW literature.  After years of this, reasoning with a witness becomes almost impossible, because they are trained to believe 2 things: they are right, AND you are wrong. (They also have thousands of other people who will verify their beliefs and whatever they say, as long as it’s from the watchtower. So remember, to them: They are right AND you are wrong!)

So, basically every conversation I had with my Uncle in my life up to this point had 2 components: what he said, and what I was hearing. He could say, “Hey, the witnesses said the world would end in 1975. They are false prophets” but I would hear, “He’s lying, the witnesses would never say that. This is your faith being tested. Be a good witness. Focus on seeing your daddy again.”

No one outside the JW's knew about this inner dialogue which ran 24/7 in my head. It dominated my entire life, but for some strange reason, for the first time since I was 5, I could hear my Uncle with no interference from the witness chatter.

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

It was as if I was hearing words for the first time.

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

Who is he talking to?

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

What do you mean, wake up?

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

I’m in a what?

 “Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

I’m not in a cult, I’m listening to the faithful and discreet slave provide me the proper spiritual food at the proper time to work with the 144,000 heavenly class even though I’m a member of the great crowd of other sheep who only have the earthly hope and that’s great because soon after Armageddon when god destroys all the wicked and casts Satan into the abyss for 1,000 years I can be with my daddy again when he is brought back to life and then we can grow for 1,000 years to perfection and then be tested by Satan again and if we pass that final test we can live forever in a paradise earth. I just have to go and make sure everyone has heard the good news and spread it to all the inhabited earth so I won’t be "bloodguilty". And I can’t listen to anything anyone ever says against gods organization because Satan, the father of lies, has blinded the minds of the unbelievers and he walks around like a roaring lion, seeking to devour someone. This is god’s organization, the one true religion, and definitely not a cult. We alone use gods name and only the governing body has a direct channel of communication with god, so god sends the angels in field service with us so we have divine protection and blessing. We just have to follow the slave closely in this time of the end. It’s just around the corner. And no, this doesn't sound crazy at all. You just don't speak the pure language.

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

I’m not in a cult, Jim Jones led a cult. The Branch Davidians were a cult. Cults have leaders. We follow Jesus Christ as the head of the Christian congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

No, I’m not, I’m going to be one of the ones on the narrow road leading to salvation and everlasting life, while most will be on the broad and spacious road leading to destruction.

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

Wait, what?

“Wake up! You’re in a cult!”

I’m not in a cult, I’m IN the truth.

I would know if I was in a cult.

“How?”

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm…

“Karama, I love you. You’re smart. Go do some research. You’ve been trapped in it since you were a kid. Look at it now as an adult and see if any of it makes sense. Look up the history.”

Ok.

So, now what?

Stay tuned!